It has been a few weekends since my Easter Post where I shared the celebrations with family and friends, but I also wanted to revisit the true reason for the season and how this Easter was such a unique experience for me.
Found on FoodFaithFitness.com
As Catholics, we are actually still in the midst of our Easter season. Lent is 40 days to show that the saving power of Christ’s resurrection and the gift of eternal life - our Easter season is actually 50 days. In my brain somewhere, and the fabric of my Catholic School Education, I knew that Easter is technically celebrated until Pentecost…. but I had never heard it in terms of numbers until this past Sunday. We are more than still celebrating - with a few weeks left to go even! A wonderful time to embrace and cherish my faith.
The 2015 Lenten and Easter season for me was incredibly unique. Of course we had a lot of life changes going on and through my blog, my monthly goals, our focus on purposeful living, I have found that I notice the little things and patterns of life so much more often. I marvel a little longer at how serendipitous happenings are all around us. I am soaking up the time I have been given a little more carefully. So this Lent I really tried to take advantage of that focus, of those little moments, and translate them into pure love towards my family and myself. Celebration at the chance for sacrifice and ignoring the waves of entitlement that weasel there way into my thoughts or actions.
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Life is not perfect, humans are not without blemish, and therefore efforts are not without struggle. There are many moments I forgot to focus on my faith or put others first, but there were also a lot of moments that I felt the calling of “this is a moment for faith”. My prayer times were not as plentiful as I had hoped, and my french fry ways still found their spot in my regular diet…but I also have a bruised tongue from the bite marks when holding back or positive outcomes to reflect on when I chose to select my emotions and reactions. There are plenty of moments where I was given a choice and gave up the “right” to be demanding and giving into the chance to “go with the flow”. One of the most meaningful experiences was when I saw a few different scenarios playing out similar to previous events that ended in harsh words, squabbles, pain, - or worst of all lost moments. An opportunity for enjoyment or growth that are tarnished by a few bad emotions that I chose to unleash. When those similar events played out, I had a chance to stop and choose my actions….changing the course of my actions and the reactions of others. Sometimes I felt and recognized them in a big way, some of them were taken in stride….but they were sprinkled throughout my 40 days and the blessings of actually experiencing them were the good work of our Lord.
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From my Lenten and Easter journey there have been three very distinct experiences that have left me feeling renewed and so grateful that I have a faith to lead me through this crazy life.
First - replace judgement with compassion. Being judgmental is human nature. We are constantly wanting to know were are not he right path, doing right, being good….and sometimes the only way we know how is to know we are being better than our neighbor. What seems so innocent and like an effort that is based on hope to be a decent person, shifts dramatically to being judgmental. It can happen in the blink of eye and before we can even recognize - let alone stop it. It is sometime I struggle with all the time. Now sometimes it is easy little things - so this Lenten season when those moments hit me I found it pretty easy - and quickly rewarding - to shift my thought process - how someone drives, how someone speaks, how they spend their money, etc. Other times however it can be in big ways - how they handle a challenge, how they live their faith, how they interact with others. Those are the moments that not being judgemental is a selectively chosen act with a very determined focus to overcome them.
Originally in this holy season I hoped to spend focus on cleaning out little judgements and learn to be a genuinely more kind hearted person. However while I was in the midst of driving kindly, being patient with family, or acting Christian at work, God gave me two lessons -one in the peace that this new approach to others can bring. Secondly how judgment in one moment can be completely wrong in the next - so tread lightly.
Danny and I have felt judged in moments about how we handle his illness by other families facing CF. We often would burden those seemingly harsh words in silence - knowing that Danny was more severe than their family member and in fact they had no grounds to understand how we felt or our chosen actions. In this Lenten season several of the circumstances for these families have changed and their health has quickly decreased- becoming even worse than Danny. In one instance a family had admitted they did not know truly understand what we had been facing. POWERFUL.
Would I have been wrong to correct them in previous years of interaction - I am not sure. But I am sure that if I did chose to speak then, it would have been out of anger and often in a public setting. This does not mean Danny and I were not hurt and angry. It does not mean I was loving in every thought I had about them - but when it really counted and I would have been acting out of raw emotion, I choose to be quiet. And now not only am I so grateful, but I am realizing the need for compassion. In this Lenten season God really showed me the power in not being judgmental or acting out of feeling judged. And now as I look to what these folks are going through I feel a calling to not only learn to avoid judgment, but look to offer compassion instead- maybe even before you realize they need it.
Second - we are sinners, God knows this and wants to be our source of strength to overcome. As Catholics we have a scared sacrament - confession. The details of it are always fuzzy and the benefits even more so - for both Catholics and non-Catholics. But the premise, in the book accordion to Jackie, is it is a chance to bring your transgressions before God, receive counsel, and be completely forgiven. These sins that consciously or unconsciously you have been carrying around weighs on you. Well I was pretty sure that the weight could be buried…..like somewhere between 7-10 years deep buried. I had avoided confession for quite some time. But this Lenten season, I continued to think back to my March - where it is time to start doing those things you said you would do “as an adult”. So I promised myself I would go to confession this Lent. And Holy Saturday - literally the FINAL DAY - I went.
Now I can’t tell you - you must do it! I can’t tell you to be a true Catholic you have to go or that it is always going to be a great experience. However, I can tell you about my experience. For awhile I had been making a list of what I needed to confess….and you know what, it was pretty long. But I really wanted to do this thing and do it the Jackie way….make it an experience. So I really unearthed the corners of my world and some scenes, or words, or actions that really should never have happened if I had been following my faith. Then I prayed, I prayed for courage, for strength, for purity of heart to truly approach this experience with an open, faithful spirit and give myself a chance to reap the benefits. Once at the church I prayed a little more and then dived in. My parish priest was wonderful and I am happy to say his two primary messages were to welcome me back to this sacrament. There was no judgement - just warmth and gentle kindness. The second message - that my sins have plagued me because I did not have the one necessary way to heal, Christ’s love and forgiveness. If any of you are considering learning more about the Catholic faith or maybe renewing your commitment to the faith, I pray that you two will have the beautiful experience I had that Holy Saturday.
The reoccurring moment I had throughout the Lenten Season was the gift that each moment presents to us and how to embrace it. These last 40 days have held the move stress, work stress, life stress. Opportunities for anxiety and fear and angst and frustrations to abound. Did I still have my Sunday night blues for another week and too many to dos - yes. Did I still snap at Danny because I as thinking about something I needed to do for my professional me, yes. Did I have a multitude of moments where I recognized it and would choose to not give-in, yes. And when those moments become bigger than me, I prayed. Faith does not promise all the answers, solutions or perfectly clear path forward - but it does promise you the strength and comfort in knowing you do not have to be in control….because you are not going to be - so how about Let Go and Let God.
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