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Today marks the beginning of Lent - Ash Wednesday. This is the day were Catholics and Christians are reminded that we came from dust and to dust we will return by marking our foreheads with a cross made of ashes. We begin our Lenten Journey to Easter - 40 days for prayer, sacrifice, study and walking with Jesus. A chance to rediscover your faith and return your focus to God and his mission, instead of our own.
Ash Wednesday has always been one of my favorite spiritual days. I love that you walk around literally “marked with the sign of faith” and that the church is always packed. It feels like a badge of honor and courage mixed in one. Honor as you have been blessed with our faith and the mission to carry it forward - courage because you have chosen to accept the mission. And to see so many people wanting to be a part of it….that is an incredible message of hope for our church.
As Catholics it is a commonly known practice to give something up for Lent. Often a favorite activity or food in an effort to sacrifice and cleanse yourself of distractions. For me, I have always been more of a “do something” type of gal. Giving something up always felt a lot more like an opportunity to fail or be mad at myself. Or even more embarrassing - I turn into an angry bear without my caffeine, dessert, me time - not very Lenten like. This year though I really hoped to continue to put some of my goals in the forefront of my Lenten focus and see if that helps them get done. I mean if I can’t give up fries for myself - how about for Jesus??
But recently I heard on the radio an ad by our Bishop saying that Lent is not just another excuse to reinvigorate your New Year’s resolutions - oops! Many of my 2015 goals are about being a better person and more present - wife, daughter, sister, friend….but are they truly spiritual? It has been about two weeks of some serious soul searching and I think I have figured it out. Trying to not eat bad food, attempting to not spend money, trying to be more focused at home/work /wherever I am - are not bad things….in fact they are really good things. The part that has the spiritual element is doing them with a smile on my face or out of love.
Let me explain - and also truly provide an honest Jackie insight….I love food. Like LOVE food. As a kid I was actually pretty blasé about food. I had about three things I ate and did not really like sweets. BORING. But as I have gotten older food continues to taste SO MUCH BETTER and yet do so much more damage to my body - think weight, lethargy, sugar = weakened immune system. As a teenager I could eat a box of Little Debbie’s in one sitting and not have one issue: weight, indigestion, bad mood. But over the last few years as food continues to be a really enjoyable part of my life it has also become a problem area. Portion control was something I used to truly excel at and how I stayed weight appropriate. Balanced meals become a fun way to stay in check. But over recent years my energy, level mood, and wallet are ALL suffering from my food focus. Specifically I have suffered from a Candida infection that is fed by sugars and has made other body systems struggle. My reward for running errands is a stop at the bagel shop or fast food. Food has become a sort of release or reward. It is as if this food fun has turned into a gluttonous behavior - when can I get it? How can I sneak eating out when we said we would try and eat at home? What if I promise not to have seconds tomorrow - can I have thirds tonight?
A few times I have attempted to curb my food frenzy or make better choices in an effort to reprogram my brain. But it often ends in a sort of anger at myself, grumpiness towards other, and anger at my body. Now that is a problem. I don’t need to be weighing in everyday and dropping the lbs for Jesus - but what if I started to make better choices and never even mentioned it. What if next time my husbands suggest we don’t order Chinese to save some calories and bucks I don’t get in a funk. How about I take the opportunity when given a choice to slow down and be grateful for a choice of food (that alone is not offered to the whole world) and then make and conscious choice ( I want Starbucks now - then gotta pack my lunch for later)? How about I do the responsible thing for myself, my family and be happy about it? Now that will take some spiritual work!
Food is an easy example - but it stretches into other areas of life. I have a few different career paths going that I need to work on focusing and making sure I am doing my best work. This will take time and sacrifice of binge TV or time with my magazines - but that it helps my family, increases my chances to show the outside world the importance of honest hard work, and continues to teach me the benefits and amazing gift a servant’s heart truly is - so why do I cop an attitude at Danny when I have to work and he is maybe watching a ball game? I can go on and on with the examples - but the point being, when I am doing the right thing - whatever it is - am I joyful? Am I still pleasant to be around? Am I suddenly the martyr that had to eat a PB&J instead of a whopper?
My Lent this season is still going to focus on my goals and continuing to work on myself and finding my path - but I am going to try with all my might to also remember that working on myself truly means working on finding God’s plan. I hate change, I feel anxiety towards uncertainty, my angst for long to dos translates to snapping at my loved ones, my needing to be patient turns into anger….my desire for answers translates into “deserving” something. Life is FULLLLLL of these tests to see who you are, who you are working to be, and who you will become - even in the little moments! So this Lent I will look at every choice and moment as a chance to find God’s hand, to accept the need to change or choose a healthy behavior willingly and with a smile, to be positive with the one life I have been given. Jesus has entrusted me with the gift of life rooted in faith….let me LIVE that life this Lent.
