Hello and happiest of Mondays! Here in the world according to Bessette we feel a little bit like its the “restart” for 2015 - and the first Monday of the new year. We talked our remix last time and the unexpected that found us in the first few weeks of the year, so today being o so very ordinary and boring - it was FANTASTIC!
Actually it was not completely 100% boring and normal, as it was the first Monday we truly instituted our new year’s efforts. We are both trying our hands at pretty structured schedules in an attempt to get more out of our days. So far we are both happy with it and went into this week with laundry done, a to do list completed and fresh one for the week, and life mapped out in a calendar. This structure and need for productivty is half due to the feeling that life is happening now and we better jump on board, and the general craving some stability…either way, organization is my love language and I am ALL ON BOARD!
In the recent haze and craze there was still some really great moments from the past few weekends that I don’t want to skip over. Silver linings can be found anywhere - so why not celebrate them?
Last Friday as Danny was embarking on his first full day hospital bound, he was tired and sore- but doing great. Kept his mood strong, his patience even stronger, and his overall experience as positive as he could. This is a hard thing to do in the hospital. When I stayed with him in October I realized how challenging it really can be to stay positive, get rest and feel human. The staff at Johns Hopkins has been great - and overall most hospitals Danny has had the pleasure to call home for a few days have all been good. Its not even about the people - its the game. The game of waiting, the game of wondering, the game of trying to sleep and get away from it - only to be woken at all hours of the day and night, waiting for food, waiting for tests….waiting and waiting and waiting.
If you may not have guessed already, I am a doer. I always have a long to do list going, letter I can write, phone call I can make, rerun I want to watch, book I want to read, blog post I want to create…..in some ways I have looked at Danny’s time holed up in a hospital and wondered how much I would get done. Well I have to tell you that is one of the oddest parts about the waiting game- you are always waiting so you never really just relax or focus on anything else. I had this past post written after being at the hospital for 2 days and still could not quite get it finished.
Needless to say the hospital is such an odd place - a time warp of sorts which can really grate on your nerves and patiences - challenging any good mood. We had no idea how long this stay would be, I was not able to be there but on the weekends, and we were not even sure of a treatment plan. This is the waiting game at its finest. So Danny made a conscious effort to be positive and go with the flow. Folks - he did AMAZING. Not one bad day, not one foul mood, not one cross word. Hearing him stay so strong comforted me when I could not bring dinner every night or stay with him. I am so grateful and bursting with pride.
So last Friday I worked a full day and getting up there was just not an option until late. Danny’s parents were sweet enough to go, bring him food and some familiar faces. That gave me the chance to be at home that evening and get laundry done, work wrapped up, pack up and a good night’s sleep (that was only slightly derailed by my need to finish the podcast series “Serial” - it was so good!). Sadly my good night’s sleep was interrupted by a sick pup. Quinlan has a super sensitive tummy and some anxieties - so when his dad is gone, it flares up big time. Poor thing was in and out from the backyard a lot of the night. So Saturday was a little slow to get started….and my parents were going to be in and out all weekend so I had to take Quin to my in-laws so he would have outside access all weekend. Suddenly I was packing and running errands and coordinating for all three of us!!
By the time I got on the road it was the early afternoon and I was feeling really anxious. I was only staying until Sunday evening and I felt like every time I looked at the clock it was another lost hour not spent with Danny. I was stressing. Through it all and even the added waiting game of Danny now waiting for me…..he calmed me over the phone. So I dropped off my pup, grabbed a Venti Starbucks and order Orange is the New Black audiobook. I was on my way and to a great book to sorta decompress during the ride. What can easily take over 2 hours with our DC and Baltimore traffic combined was a quick hour and 15 minutes….and I was there!
Dan’s room was great - in the new wing (he was the first patient to ever use it!), with a gorgeous view of the original hospital - perfect for Danny who loves historic architecture. I hugged and hugged him. Finally Finally Finally we were back to us.
The funny thing was I was dying to get there, I needed to see him face to face, I wanted to know he was being taken care of - but when I got there we spent that night pretty quiet. We both read some, I wrote, I listened to my audio book, Dan napped and watched some football….nothing was really said, we did not work through the latest hospital news, I did not even try to gauge where he was on any of his waiting games - we just were there. The amount of peace and just calm by being together was exactly what we both needed. I had the best night sleep on a hospital room couch no less and Danny said he was feeling slightly more human…..it was just what we both needed - to be in the same place, to be together.
While Dan napped and I gazed out the window and then back at him over and over again, I promised myself to remember this moment. Lock it away and when life gets crazy to remember that just being together we were better, we were peaceful - we were exactly where we should be. Life is full of moments where you aren’t sure where the heck you’re supposed to be - so to know what peace you can find in a moment with your person, I truly believe its God’s hand on your heart. Take it in, soak it up, cherish it - and most important remember it. Our life the days leading up to this had been CrAzY….but we had a few of these peaceful pauses. How lucky? How blessed? How rare - thank you God.
Sunday we were really lucky to have good friends stop in and visit. They brought Danny gatorade and provided me with a few extra hours to visit since I had companions for the parking garage (you aren’t supposed to go it alone). Ryan has been a good friend of both of ours since about 16 and his girlfriend Megan is new in our world - but could not blend in any better if she tried. And I think that is the best part - she never tries - she is sweet, funny and a nurse by trade so her visit was so effortless - we almost forgot we were hosting them for football watching in a hospital room!
That evening I drove home tired, looking ahead at another week of my own waiting game…..but feeling at peace. I am grateful for that visit and the reminder that feeling that connected to my husband, feeling that much love in our odd little world - everything else is just background noise and we will figure it out when we can!
That good perspective we both shared, settled in took us through to Tuesday when Danny GOT HOME! We weren’t really sure he would be home by Tuesday - I particularly thought it was a long shot….but he was! And thanks to the many folks who support our fund, the incredible world of modern medicine, and Danny’s patience with paperwork - he is able to complete his final two week of IVs (prayers for no blood clots) at home!!
So this weekend we just had was glorious! No hospital walls, our puppy and Danny back together, and some BIG check marks off the to do list! The most exciting being starting our search to move!!! That is to be continued…….
Laundry was done, errands were run, we planned our week, talked bills…..I know, you are so very jealous! But it was just so ordinary and after some crazy weeks - ordinary felt extraordinary!!!!
Well I guess I can’t say it was not a completely normal weekend….we celebrated my baby sister’s golden birthday - she was 17 on the 17th of January! My mom pulled out all the stops- EVERYTHING was gold. But the best part - with my sisters, parents and husband we had a really nice family dinner. We all laughed and talked - no one was left out, no one was in a bad mood, and no one was griping at being together. When you come from a big family this is rare, there is usually SOMEONE not happy! But this night celebrating my sis - it was a good night. Happy Birthday Bridget - we love you.
Now we are back to another week….but as I said trying our hand at a much more structured approaching and hoping to get our 2015 off with a bang….well our NEW 2015!
Hope you have a great week too!
