Weekend- That's A Wrap!

It’s Thursday and before another weekend is upon us - gotta wrap up last weekend!!

Earlier this week I shared my feelings on the hospital and a bit of an update. Danny is now home, finally as of Tuesday - but not without a review of my hospital fashion:

Tuesday night we were THRILLED to have him back….especially my puppy dog! Sadly I was at work and missed the reunion, but Danny sent me this selfie of them “reunited” as the picture said - and they even ran errands together to keep the merriment going!

Since his arrival home Danny’s mid-line (semi-permenant IV that helps him to be able to handle the large amount of meds) has stopped working. The home care nurse was able to pull the line from here and replace it with a peripheral IV to attempt to finish this round of meds. We are trying this approach for a few days… but if it does not work he may need to go back to the hospital.

It is not the worst thing in the world, in fact all things considered it is not so bad - just makes life a little hectic and lived literally minute to minute. So my blogging has been slow, my health plan has been forgotten (improved a bit as the week has gone on from a Chik-fila and Coffee diet) and running, does to and from the car count?? However I am proud to say I am controlling the melt downs that typically ensue in these types moments. Sure - we want to deck the halls and of course I wish we knew if our holiday parties were going to be in option this weekend, but we don’t! So for now, as silly as it sounds, we are actually both making an effort to laugh more, hug more, and remember that any time out of the hospital walls is good.

So what happened while Danny was still in the hospital walls? Well Friday was actually very, very quiet. Danny was in testing until fairly late in the evening and I had a long week of work - so we opted for me to just stay home. I grabbed some quick take-out with my furry date and then hit the hay pretty early. And I must note I was pretty proud of myself - at about 10:30PM I was about to start a new show or movie to just zone out….but quickly realized that amongst all these stressful happenings the best thing I could do is get good sleep - so Shiba and I were off to bed pretty early.

My early to bed made my early to rise much easier! My cousin you may remember from this summer was up for an in-laws wedding and staying in the Willard downtown. The Willard at Christmas time is quite literally the best way to see a DC Chirstmas! So my mom and I were really excited to see them and enjoy some of the festive scenery. With all the fun wedding activities starting early afternoon we opted to meet them at 9:30AM.

Well as of Friday night we thought Danny would be heading home so I needed to make sure I purified the area where he would be recovering …..so at 6AM I did a deep carpet cleaning and then dust removal effort…..PHEW! I have not been that productive before 8AM in a LONG TIME….so I was pretty proud of myself and happy to help him feel like he had a great place to come home and heal.

Once I got our living space ready I hit the showers and Mom and I headed downtown. Jaclyn had not visited Arlington Cemetery, where our grandfather is buried, since the burial. I have been blessed to live so close for many years and made several trips (some tearful and to ask for his guidance)…so a chance to help her reconnect was a perfect way to spend the morning.

After a visit and a bit of a driving tour of DC - we hit Starbucks and the Willard. It was really nice to be with them and feel like we were celebrating the favorite pieces that make the Christmas so magical- tasty coffee, good family time, and gorgeous Christmas Trees! Jaclyn and Michael are expecting a baby girl in Feburary and chatting about their soon to be family of 4 was exciting. Jaclyn and I have been blessed to be so close…and not being around to experience all that their family is blessed with in person can be hard. So that means these visits are so very important.

Saturday wrapped up with a Christmas Target trip with my mom and then heading home to wait for Danny. Sadly the waiting eventually turned into me jumping back in the car and heading to dinner at Fairfax Hosptial. Not at all what we planned….but we did our best to just look forward to his escape on Sunday.

Sunday AM was spent assessing the To Do list, planning Christmas Cards, thinking of the coming weeks and hoping to get the “on my way home” call…..which sadly did not come. We have been down that road, so I won’t revisit. The extra night in the hospital left me really frustrated and honestly mad. For some that probably would be the worst time to go to mass - but on my way BACK DOWN to the hospital I hit 5:30 mass. And boy did I have some words for God. Here we are being positive, staying faithful….and nothing. Really we should be mad that we don’t have a place to call our own, or do not have the blessing of enjoying Christmas with our own kiddos….but really all I am really asking is to just go to mass or TOGETHER and have my husband home. This is JUST. NOT. FAIR.

Well I can’t explain it - I could try, but I can’t….all I can say is that I felt sustained leaving the church. Sure nothing had changed and although I would have loved to have a fiery pillar or cloud that sent manna to tell me what God was saying, I did not. But what I did have was the feeling tha someone was there, listening. I am not alone - I have God to yell at - I have God to be frustrated at - and then when all that is out I have God to ask for mercy. Please, please be here God. Please promise me you know what you are doing…..because in this life I do not know what I am doing….I can’t see past the dust…..I can’t figure out how you will heal Danny, get us back on our feet, help us have our future dreams. This life is not within my hands…..so please promise me it is in yours. How powerful that I do have the gift of someone to say help to…..someone bigger and stronger and better than I to worry for me.

And when these moments get a little darker, He will be there. For instance today these same frustrations surfaced, when the H-word was brought up around a faulty IV - I turned to my daily reading only to find the words “if you want to work with me….you must trust my time frame”. Sigh….OK God, you got this one. I will try and let you have it.

All in all life is full, life is crazy and I have to say there are folks around me in every aspect of life also being tested….some much, much harder than I, As I list to their stories or experience the darkness of my own world, I am reminded that literally a year ago this week I was a puddle on the floor knowing my career path was fading into the darkness, I was overwhelmed moving back into my parents, and my heart was hurting that Christmas thoughts and feelings were so very far away. Yet - look how far I have come. Look at what God had waiting for me….in his time.

Time does keep marching on….and you know what I do feel a little stronger right now than I did a year ago….and it is not my doing. So thank you God for remembering me….thank you for the gift of Your Son this season, a constant reminder you are always with us…..and thank goodness that when you have faith, you can weather these storms.