Family Vacations

?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8" standalone="no"?Greetings from Cape Cod! We are here for the next 10 days with my in-laws. Danny’s family hails from up North - his mom from outside Boston and his Dad from Rhode Island (Fact 1 of 1 Million I have learned regarding New England: I am not sure where but as I understand, everything is near everything there - so we will stick with just the state). Danny has gone up to New England every summer growing up and most summers as an adult. Our first summer dating in 2005 we had only been together a few weeks and he asked me to go too. I found that odd so early on….but now that I have joined them I know he wanted to share it as part of their family’s culture and memories - even from that invite on, the Cape has been a huge learning experience for me and part of our story.

Growing up we went to Ocean City and then the Carolinas for summer vacation. Ocean City is where my dad grew up going and my mom has ties in North Carolina - but it was more about our immediate family. Playing cards, beach time, board walk….we had our favorite activities, our beach routine and our numerous inside jokes - but it was really all about the Heppes. Danny’s family had similar aspects - traditions for their travels or certain restaurants and beaches they would frequent, but it also was a lot about their extended family. The vacation days and rentals have been full of family time and activities. No doubt about it family vacations are all about family….sometimes good, sometimes bumpy…..but always good for a laugh and some sort of memory.

Heppes Vaca from many moons ago

Since my siblings and I have grown our family vacations have shifted to center around activities for one of us or visiting those who are further away. For instance there have been several myrtle beach vacas since my sister had dance competitions there or Chicago to visit my brother Sawyer and family - but not in one trip to a consistent place or with a consistent crowd. My family’s memories are becoming more and more holiday centered and when we all can come home. That is just fine with everyone as most of my family has sorta taken the beach part of vacation off their to do list and for Danny and I (and we hope Q after this trip!) a beach is necessary! You can’t for fully relax without some sort of water and seafood so our summer vacations have been with the Bessette side.

Last year we did St John’s (just like our honeymoon) and it was great, however it was traded out for Cape Cod and it felt sort of odd - even for me! Perhaps I am getting a little bit of the New England bug after all! This year, due to a variety of circumstance Danny and I are able to be here for 10 full days and with our pup! It is a huge opportunity to get away and this late in the season really soak up the summer! But it is also a totally new experience with adding in Quinlan, we are at a new house, and Danny and I are truly our own family now - which means our own opinions and our way of doing things. What was that about vacations are always good for a memory - and laugh…..even if it is later??

Cape the Early Years

In fact driving up I sorta chuckled to myself - the 10 hour plus trip has even morphed into a mini-evolution of our life as a couple and my life as a Bessette. My first time up with Danny we rode together -and I was on cloud 9 THE WHOLE RIDE! We chatted and played games and Danny laughed at my narcoleptic ways (not the best co-pilot) - we had a great time! The excitement and butterflies were swelling in my tummy as I envisioned coming days I got to be with him completely uninterrupted! during a summer adventure - our FAVORITE time of year!

Cape the Early Years

Then for my second trip I had to fly up due to summer work schedules. Even without the road trip (which sort of feels like a large part of the trip) I was really looking forward to the water, sun, food and time with Danny. But it was also the first time I remember feeling sensitive to some of his families jokes….our first growing pains. I am a pleaser and will avoid any sort of confrontation or making someone feel uncomfortable. So when I m made to feel that way, it really hurts. I take it probably too personal and this was the first time it came from the Bessette’s. We moved past it and our back on the cape to laugh about that night already once while here now! That trip was also marked by the time I got to spend with Danny’s brother. He is 14 years Danny’s senior and lives in Arizona, so I felt like I knew him as Danny fondly told stories of his childhood and truly idolized his brother. Danny’s brother is 14 years older than him, I am 13 years older than my sister and listening to him talk about Pete, I prayed I would be as cool to my sister as Peter was to Danny. It was a full, but great trip.

Arizona in 2007

Few years went by - some we went to the cape and some we did not - big time summer internships, life in the fast line….I can’t recall all the reasons and details - but a few things are clear: I always cherished the time with Danny that I had - no figuring out if we wold get together or have our own night or what (dating problems) - we were on this glorious island with nothing but summer surrounding us AND I was learning what it would mean to be part of another person’s family.

South Carolina the Early Years

The last summer before we got married I joined Danny on the Cape and participated in the family reunion. It was a lot of fun but also another reality of how similar yet different our families are - mine are def of the southern breed - we are loud and Irish/Italians (this is my mom’s side), in everyone’s business but we were warm and oddly welcoming - with a sweet southern smile. Danny’s family was loud and Irish and in each other’s business - but of the Northern region: blunt and honest, no guessing what they are thinking and o boy the accents! They played a lot of practical jokes - I had to sniff a cupcake for some reason (remember me the Southern one that would do whatever they said to be polite??) and it ended up my nose! But I really enjoyed them all - and just like my family they loved (even sometimes while disliking each other) each other…..I really felt connected (even if they thought I sounded like I was from Alabama!) - maybe I would be part of this family someday! Later I found out Danny had contemplated proposing on the 4th of July - which happened to be that day - but then he looked into rings- and needed a little more time to save. Either way the Cape again was another step forward for us.

Cape the Early Years

By the next time we visited Cape Cod, Danny and I were married. That visit was a little different - we had been married for two years at that point and going through challenges with finances, Danny’s health and with some of his extended family. Life had changed a lot and we both were excited for a change of scenery……no more butterflies I lived with the guy!!! But we hoped for a vacation. That trip was good and even seeing some of the family that had caused some issues went well…..but we were still learning how to be our own family. Even in the growing pains of that trip, I really cherished participating in a trip Danny had taken his whole life. I wondered what this trip had in store for our future, our family’s future and what more the Cape would teach us.

This year has really just started but I marveled at the ride up. Last time we argued about money and spending and what I chose to eat at every rest stop…..this time we had the puppy, so we had to be a better team - Danny got me all my favorite treats without even my request and then we stopped to see my brother, Grant in NYC!! Normally Danny is VERY serious about his drives to the Cape. We have to leave on time, we have to stop as minimally as possible - this time we spent a lot of time in New York, even with the dog and Danny was awesome about manning the pooch so I could visit with my bother (Quinlan may not be ready for restaurants). Our lives are so tumultuous at this time….the time when bickering and money worries are expected and instead we are making it work. We did not chat the whole time like those first trips…..but we did laugh really hard when we did chat and we laughed when we started to bicker….we are just happy to be - even if perfection is pretty far away.

This trip is also going to be a bit different as we are in a musty, older home and that is giving Dan’s lungs a workout (poor guy is asleep instead of enjoying the glorious sun). I have some projects and to dos that came with - cheers to logging some cape miles on my running shoes and keeping the blog rolling…..o yea and studying for my certification! And I am really working through a lot of my personal struggles. Anxiety is turning out to be a long term frustration and I am managing it the best I can. This is hard for my husband (and the family) who is used to my being the peace maker or the easy going one. But life changes, people grow and this time what I am learning is my own limits and how to manage them for my family - and for myself. We have family in and out and some family we have not seen for awhile. And add in my pup that loves and hates the water - along with other people, my in-laws dog, our current bedroom……but it is good for a few laughs and some fun…..and I am sure some growing pains!